Aside from the whole Mother Earth deal, nurturing a new life in my belly and all that crap, there are some notable perks to this pregnancy gig. I am at a coffee house now enjoying a marionberry scone doused in powdered sugar and a latte. Yes, I drink caffeine during pregnancy. If you don't like it, then I don't like you so we're square. If you think I'm bitched up on hormones, then you don't want to compound that train wreck with caffeine withdrawals. Cut me some slack, and mind your own damn business.
Well, there you have it, a good pregnancy perk is you get to rant and rave without editing and blame it on hormones. Maybe the Mormons have such big families because the women love to bitch so much. Shit, if I had to wear my hair in a bad braid, no make-up and a Laura Ingalls throw away frock, I'd have something to bitch about for 10 months too. The prego perk I'm enjoying now is the "treat" I give myself after hot yoga on Mon, Wed and Fri mornings. I happened to stop into this coffee house on my way to the freeway and have discovered their overpriced pastries and really strong coffee (rings up to about $8) is the perfect way to start my day.
Another perk I am finding as my 5 month belly swells is people are freely complementing me. Last night at my soccer game a couple of the gals sang my praises for winning the ball against this huge mac truck of a defensive player. I figured if she were to throw an elbow my way, I'd go Tanya Harding on her ass and starting throwing dirty punches. First, I'd rip that ridiculous sweat band off her head and start choking her with it. Who wears a headband to play soccer? For shits sake, who wears a sweatband at all? The days of Kareem Abdul Jabar have passed. And see, because I'm expecting, my on-field outburst in opposition to some usual rough and tumble play would go without a penalty call...because I have the greatest excuse of all excuses and justifications in the world...I am nurturing a new life in my belly.
The best perk of all, you see, is getting to play both sides of the argument. You can be the glorified Mother Earth one minute and a raving bitch the next. Sybil and her multiple personalities never had it this good!
