We are 6 days from my due date and with hospital bags packed, are as ready as we will ever be. But what about Murph Dog, I'm not sure our 2 year old Goldendoodle even knows what changes lie ahead in our pack. I get the feeling he has an idea, as he's been even more cuddly with me lately, and of course I talk to him about becoming a big brother. I know he's a dog, but he is a child to us and so call me crazy, but we do consult him on family matters (he agrees with me that daddy should clean out the garage this weekend, for example).

We've asked friends with spoiled dog-children how they handled the dog meet baby situation and have done some reading on canine behavior to best prepare ourselves and Murphy for the arrival of the baby. Below is some of the specific advice we've received. It sounds to me that if you love your pet and make sure they know they are still an important part of your family then all should be okay. Also, don't be a moron and leave your pet with your new baby, they need time to adjust and demonstrate appropriate behavior around the baby consistantly.

One piece of advice I thought was worth calling forward is that its ideal to have your dog stay in your house while you rush off to the hospital. The more their routine stays in tact, the better for them. Secondarily, if you have a friend who can take your pup, that works too, especially if your dog has spent time at your friends house in the past. Kenneling your dog while you are in the hospital is a last resort plan, particularily if they are not used to being caged, I mean kenneled (remember, my dog sleeps in my bed, so I am not keen with the idea of a kennel, and consquently, I have a very spoiled dog who considers sleeping fully stretched across our bed as his Divine Right).

Introduction - popular vote is to have either the hubby or a family member who Murphy knows bring home one of the baby's blankets from the hospital before we bring the baby home, so Murphy can familiarize himself with the smell. Someone actually suggested bringing home one of the baby's soiled diapers…that’s gross, and I imagine the same person brought their placenta home to bake placenta brownies or use to fertilize a tree. One more person to take off my Christmas card list I guess.

Sleeping arrangements - Murphy sleeps in our bed with us and we have a bassinet set up right next to my side of the bed. We'll keep Murph in our room, maybe he'll get demoted to the floor to establish pack hierarchy with the baby. We'll just have to see how that goes. From what we've read, the dog and the baby should not sleep together in the same room unattended, and its also important not to change too much of the dog's routine lest they become jealous and resent the baby.

Play time - Without a doubt the dog and the baby should not be left alone together until Murphy consistently exhibits appropriate behavior around the baby (like fetching his bottles, and learning to change his diapers…have I mentioned that our dog is exceptionally smart?). I was especially concerned with Murphy taking baby toys, since they look so much like dog toys, until a friend suggested putting both dog and baby toys in a basket and letting Murphy choose which ones he wants to pick up, then correcting him when/if he goes for a toy with the baby's scent on it. Our obedience trainer gave us similar advice, that if you want to train a dog, "set him up" so that you can correct his bad behavior.

Teaching the baby - from the time you bring them home, babies are learning how to communicate, our vet says its never too early to start saying "be gentle" to the baby, even if you have them wrapped up in a blanket burrito style. If you are diligent, its to be expected that by 9-12 mos old the baby will have learned to pet gently rather than pulling the dogs hair, or slapping it on the head.

Basically the idea is to let the dog know that they are still an important part of your family, at the same time introducing a new baby who is ahead of the dog in pack order. General rules of thumb are not to leave the dog and a newborn alone together, when the baby starts to crawl, watch the baby carefully around the dogs food bowl (so that they don't eat the dog food and so that the dog doesn't become overly protective of his food).

None of our friends had a problem assimilating the dog and baby, and in most cases the two have become the best of buds.

I have 12 days to go until my due date...and if one more person tells me that as a first time mom, I should expect to carry this man child late I will blow a gasket. Over the last three or so weeks I have been scheduling every appointment I can think of so I have less errands to run with a newborn. I sat down and made the following list:

• get my hair cut & colored (top priority, of course)
• regualr mani/pedis (got to have pretty nails while stripped down naked in front of the hospital staff)
• visit the dentist (what a drag)
• oil change for the car
• rotate tires on the car
• replace air filters in the furnace
• stock freezer with food
• groom Murph Dog (I decided to try grooming him myself...I am going with the mantra that maybe the third time will be the charm)
• clean the carpets
• buy new running shoes (can't wait to run again)
• visit the optometrist (I was advised to wait for a couple months after delivery, as pregnancy hormones can affect your eyesight).  

Finally, the most important errand I need to run is to shop for a Halloween costume for the little guy. He'll only be a couple weeks old, but the neighbors have already asked us to bring him around. I'm thinking a baby Batman costume and Murph Dog can dress up as Boy Wonder. Jeez, I wish I could sew!

My increasingly bulbous belly and strategically concentrated mask of pregnancy above my lip in a phony mustache fashion has led to me to suggest The Walrus, by the Beatles as today's sexy pregnancy side effect tune. As I listen to this song, I am tempted to clap my hands together like a walrus, since my hands have fallen asleep again and are tingling with numbness, but I don't want the dog to look down his nose at me in ashamed embarrassment.

Three weeks to go! Until then...I am the Eggman, I am the Eggman, I am the Walrus. Coo coo ka choo.  

We took our hospital tour last week, which encouraged me to get my bag packed for the our great escape to the hospital. I've asked a few friends, and collectivley, they have come up with the following essentials to take with me. By the way, during our tour of the hospital, I was assured that all of my dietary needs would be taken care of by the hospital cafeteria. Does this mean I can order a pitcher of margaritas to my room? Lightly salted rims, please.

• nightgown (the hospital gowns are pretty scratchy)
• maternity bras (babys fist game of peek-a-boo)
• tank tops with built-in bra
• t-shirts (gotta cover up the boobies when the in-laws come to visit)
• yoga pants to wear home
• warm socks
• hard candies to suck on during labor
• toiletries
• audio visual closet (all the media and communication gadgets one needs to capture the moment)
• baby book
• baby outfit and cute blanket to lay the baby on for his first picture
• carseat
• husband

Three of my sisters are coming to stay with me this weekend (another baby shower is on the docket), I am planning on dragging them to the drugstore so they can advise me on all the unmentionables I will need when I get home. I'm not sure what to expect, but I know it won't be pretty. Who says cotton mesh granny panties aren't sexy...

Last week when I weighed in at my Dr. appt I was three pounds shy of my hubby's weight. Since then he's been to the gym every day, and I've polished off a tub of vanilla bean ice cream, a jar of peanut butter and a bag of gummy fruit (by the way, the end of a pregnancy timed with copious Halloween candy at every store is an example of how cruel the world can be sometimes).

I am going in for my weekly appointment with my OB today, and am prepared to tip the scale even closer toward my tall and skinny husband. I considered this last night while making dinner and decided not to drain the fat from the pot roast before adding the meat to the crock pot. I figured that alone would add 100 calories or so to his skinny butt. Of course, I consumed the same extra calories, I guess I wasn't really thinking my plan through very well.

Little pig, little pig, let me in, not by the hair of one of my three chins...

I am working on three hours of sleep today. All this tossing and turning at night with the big pregnant belly is exhausting. I pack myself like a Jimmy Dean sausage with pillows to support my baby mamma bod but still can only get through one REM cycle (i.e. 40 mins) before I am wide awake, ready to flip to the other side or get out of bed altogether and clean out the fridge.

If one more person tells me this sleep deprivation is "training" for getting up with the baby at night, as I punch them in the face I will tell them that my left hook is training me for the Olympics. I don't need training to be grouchy, I was born this way.

Three more weeks until the young Prince is due to arrive. I will be packing my hospital bag today, any suggestions of what I should bring with me?

Over the weekend I went on a 7-mile hike with one of my buds and decided to bring along the pooch (first child). I thought the little fella would enjoy himself and also thought it would be a good way to tire him out so I could finish some side-work I wanted to get done from home later on that evening. What I didn't expect was all of the unsolicited advice I would get along the way from complete strangers.

• I sure hope you brought water for your dog
  (yes I brought water you idiot)
• You really shouldn't take dogs on such long hikes
  (it's only 7 miles loves this sh*t)
• You should never take a dog out in this heat
  (dude, the trails half-shaded, I brought water and there are lakes all around for him swim in)
• I hope you're dog is taking flea medicine
  (yes, he's on a full flea concoction cocktail)
• You need to pickup after your dog if he goes poop.
  (I brought a plethora of scented doggy bags)

Ok, it's a dog and so many people decided to pipe in with their unwanted advice. Me, I keep my mouth shut unless I see something bordering on illegal and even then I'm hesitant to say something unless the situation is dire. Fortunately my friend wasn't so nice and told one hairy-pit granola broad to "piss-off" and "worry about your own hygiene."

All of this has gotten me to think. Do I have worry about getting unsolicited advice from strangers when I'm in public with my kid? Do complete strangers really have the balls to come up and tell you how to raise your kid? Will I have to be polite and just smile as they provide what they think is their "pillar of knowledge" or can I just go "postal on their ass?"

How do you handle it?

The hubby and I have been considering attending a birthing class to help prepare for the second coming of Christ, er, I mean the birth of our first baby. We've asked a dozen or so couples and most of them advised us that the birthing class wasn't a great use of time. Which was great to hear, becuase neither of us really wanted to go anyway. I figure this child will come out one way or another, and the doctors and nurses at the hospital are well trained in the area of birthing babies, Miz Scarlett.

In a rogue kismet kind of way, we happened to catch an educational episode of Discovery Channel's Dirty Jobs with host Mike Rowe.

Hubby loves this show, and after watching this episode, where Mike learns the ins and outs of birthing cows, I am more confident that hubby won't be passing out on the hospital floor. We'll see how he reacts when I start moo'ing like the cows in the video...I'm sure this will lead to numerous unappreciated jokes about being a milk cow when I start nursing. Maybe I should rethink the hospital birthing class for the sake of my own self esteem.

Might as well send me out to pasture now with a pina colada and a plastic Hawaiian lei...

Yesterday I went back to a daycare center I toured a week or two ago to leave the $50 deposit to hold a spot in the infant room. This daycare center is much like the others I've toured, other than its close proximity to our house, nothing really stood out. That is until I walked into the lobby yesterday afternoon and noticed a framed picture of Jesus in the lobby. I was raised in Catholic schools, so as soon as I saw the picture of JC, my eyes welled up with tears, I guess there is no better sign that this would be the best school for our little boy.

I asked the director of the center if they were indeed Christian based, she said they were, to the extend that the preschool children say a prayer before snack and lunch for example, though they don't teach any specific religion. It got me thinking, at what age are kids influenced by the idea of God and faith? I suppose there isn't much religion to impress upon a baby in the infant room. On the other hand, maybe they sprinkle holy water on their diaper rashes...

Yesterday Murph the Wonder Dog was bitten at the dog park. After bringing him home and attempting to clean the wound, I realized he was going to need stitches. For the rest of the evening he sat with me or the hubby, slouched over with his head hung low. He knows when he is sick or injured and reminds me very much of the Pitiful Pearl that is my husband when the common cold hits him. This must be an inherent male trait, in humans and canines, to milk the sickly situation for all that its worth. And it works every time, they each pull my heart strings when they are down for the count.

I actually took the day off work today so that I could take Murph to the vet, and stay home with him, watching to be sure he doesn't pull his stitches out. As I sit here pushed uncomfortably into the corner of the couch, with Murph laying at my side, I'm balancing my laptop atop my big belly, and realizing that I will be bringing another male into this family in the coming weeks.

Just call me Florence Nightingale, my nursing specialty is an affliction known as the Melancholy Male. I am bound to have exaggerated ailments to tend to for the rest of my life.