In this scenario I think it's appropriate to compare myself to a bear in the forest peeing on the trunk of tree to display territory dominance. Of course replacing the pee factor with material items. My man den (home office) was strategically designed for my simple comforts and enjoyment: computers and electronics equipment, a large TV, a foldout couch, and an assortment empty beer bottles and coffee mugs scattered across the desk were all my subconscious attempted to claim this territory (room) as my space.

Things are starting to look and feel different in my territory these days. A few curious thing have popped up over the past few weeks. My man space has started to acquire foreign elements generally reserved for a room called a nursery! Items like nipple shields, baby bottles and blankets, rattles, swings, baby Einstein CDs, bibs, binkis, handy wipes, and a plethora of other sorted items have set up permanent residence in my space. Oh, now lets not forget the bottle stains on my desk that leave a nice milk rings across my desk surface. It longer resembling the room I once loved and I'm losing elbow room faster than my hair is falling out.

What confuses me most is the fact that my wife spent so much time designing the perfect nursery (Nursery Neurosis) during her nesting phase and then end up spending a majority of her time with the little guy in my space. Honey, if you wanted the perfect space why didn't you just ask me?

We are  one month into parenthood and the score is: Us: 1; Nursery Furnishings: 0

The babe peed through his diaper, clothes, sheet and mattress pad yesterday. I laundered the aforementioned (bedding, not child) and tried to put the bedding back on the mattress tonight. I must have looked like I was wrestling a crock while doing so. I couldn't get the mattress out of the crib so that could get the mattress pad and sheet over the corners...the culprit was the crib bumper, it basically was taunting me. I could almost hear it daring me to just try to change the bedding without having to untie about 20 ties that affix the bumper to the crib rails..just try.

Well, neener, neener on you stupid bumper, I finally got around you and managed to tug, pull and cajole the mattress out from under your wrath. You are decorative and are a cornerstone to the adorable matching bedding ensemble that anchors the whole nursery decor, but you are no friend of mine and I have my eye on you. You are one step from becoming dog bed stuffing...and Murph the Wonder Dog likes to dry hump his bed, so you best mind yourself.

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I admittingly got a bit crazed last week after coming home from a family baby shower with a car load of gifts and nowhere to put them. We have a room for the baby, it was the subject of a few heated exchanges between the hubby and me, but the room was still in progress, and I didn't want to store all these new gifts there knowing we would be putting up crown and base moldings, hanging new doors and painting the walls.

So, I hopped aboard my high horse and went balls to the wall to get the nursery done so that I didn't have to look at my gifts piled up in our living room. I painted the walls, traced a mural from the pages of The Cat in the Hat and put in crown molding. I traced this image by scanning the pages of the book into my computer, then used a portable projector to project the image onto the wall, traced it with pencil, then filled it in with paint. It turned out a lot better than I expected!

Now that I had the mural done, I needed the doors and the base molding to go in. Hanging the new entry and closet doors was something I was dependant on the hubby to accomplish. He came home from work on Thursday to a frantic wife desperate for his help in hanging the doors. I even cried, and you know, that didn't even work, all he said to me was that he really felt sorry for me that I had gotten myself so worked up over stuff sitting in our living room (which we never use) for four days. Since I am not a crier, I guess I thought tears would elicit a different response. I'll save myself the humiliation next time, as I didn't get what I wanted when I wanted it. He did hang the doors over the weekend, and now the nursery is just about ready for the baby...I just hope we are!

I am but a crafted caricature of who I was when I met my husband. I used to be a hip cat. I used to wear heels. Recently I've spent more money at the neighborhood knitting store than I have at Nordstrom.

So, I waddled my cranky but crafty ass across the parking lot to Jo Ann Fabrics. After about five minutes perusing the isles, my ambitious ego signed me up for sewing 101 class so I can make my own damn crib bedding set! Take that you lame ass Babies R Us designers who have resigned to the most boring and predictable fabrics for baby bedding. Now I need a sewing machine...and the patience to see a craft project through to the end. Being a realist, I've already decided that I will pick a fabric that will suit Murphy the Wonder Dog's bed, as I have a feeling that is where my first attempt at a crib blanket will be laid to rest, next to the baby blanket my mom crocheted.

Ok, now I just realized that I have to account for recalled goods whilst in the midst of my baby registry woes.

The spindles of recalled cribs from Jardine are breaking I guess, posing an "entrapment and strangulation hazard"...I wonder if my neighbors really yappy dog would enjoy a nice Jardine crib in his dog house...

http://www.jardinecribrecall.com/

I've been avoiding the baby registry. Things like baby bath tubs and diaper wipe warmers seem so silly to me. Why not just bathe your baby in a normal tub, or the kitchen sink for that matter??? And by the way, those diaper genies are no substitute for taking your kids poopy diapers outside of the house! You folks aren't fooling anyone with those scented poopy diaper bags. Now your kids shit just smells like you sprayed grannies perfume on it…Jean Nate perhaps. 

When I got married, I felt the same way about the bridal registry. I knew I wouldn't use a Panini maker, but registered for it anyway. The whole experience was so overwhelming for me that two of my sisters had to drive three hours with bloody marys on the ready to get me to the mall. I don't know how to approach the process of registering for useless things without a bloody in hand, and so BabysRUs is unfamiliar territory. Will they have an overweight, over made-up concierge/"hostess" to congratulate me on my impending delivery, inquire as to how I am planning on wearning my hair on the big day, offer me a latte and a 30% coupon for all baby stuff purchased for the year following the big event?

I have two baby showers coming up coupled with a nagging need to nest and decorate, so some of my registry decisions feel critical to me at this point. Without a bloody mary to help make decisions for me, I am at a standstill. Should I get a BOB or a Phil & Teds stroller, do I need a glider, or will an old rocking chair from a garage sale do? Do I want a crib that converts to a toddler bed, what will we do with the full size bed that is in the guest room now???? I may need Divine Intervention...becuase for the love God I cannot decide, should I go with the Curious George or the Noah's Ark crib bedding??????????? I have a feeling where God would side on that one...

(Does this even look like it should be a baby nursery?)

It takes a lot of time and effort to build and maintain an active website(s). I should know since that is what I do professionally. Because of this I made sure to design myself a very comfortable office in our home. For years, as a bachelor, I lived in one bedroom apartments and condos and had endured having my personal office space in my living room or in a cramped bedroom. Once we purchase our home I finally was able to grab an empty room and claim it as mine. I spent considerable time and sweat updating the room's late 70's interior with a new wall color, mopboards, crown molding, recessed lighting, new updated electrical face plating, wall hangings, and decorations (snowboard, golf clubs, and a personally signed football by Hall-of-Fame player, Steve Largent) and such. It was now my room and a place where I could be out of the way and be able to get down to business.

So it came to me as big surprise the other day when I read BigMomma's post that I would be losing my "man office" to a new baby nursery. I don't think so was my first thought! My wife has never mentioned this to me and I of course I don't recommend that she even attempt it. We have two additional rooms that would work just fine as a baby nursery and I do not see any reason why we couldn't use one or the other. I'm going to blame it on temporary nesting hysteria on her part.

After complaining to a couple of married-with-children co-workers (men of course) regarding my current and dire situation my ear's hear a choir of chuckles from their response: "Get use to it buddy!", "Welcome to my world" and "This is only the beginning". Hey guys, give me support, I shout, it's not  f-ing fair. As they walk away slapping each other on the back and continuing their laughter I can only think those pathetic losers don't have the backbone that I have. That's not going to happen to me I declare to myself, weakly.