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Set in New York City, the epicenter of a phenomenon cropping up in communities across the United States, "Nursery University" reveals the oddly competitive process of nursery school admissions.

In this scenario I think it's appropriate to compare myself to a bear in the forest peeing on the trunk of tree to display territory dominance. Of course replacing the pee factor with material items. My man den (home office) was strategically designed for my simple comforts and enjoyment: computers and electronics equipment, a large TV, a foldout couch, and an assortment empty beer bottles and coffee mugs scattered across the desk were all my subconscious attempted to claim this territory (room) as my space.

Things are starting to look and feel different in my territory these days. A few curious thing have popped up over the past few weeks. My man space has started to acquire foreign elements generally reserved for a room called a nursery! Items like nipple shields, baby bottles and blankets, rattles, swings, baby Einstein CDs, bibs, binkis, handy wipes, and a plethora of other sorted items have set up permanent residence in my space. Oh, now lets not forget the bottle stains on my desk that leave a nice milk rings across my desk surface. It longer resembling the room I once loved and I'm losing elbow room faster than my hair is falling out.

What confuses me most is the fact that my wife spent so much time designing the perfect nursery (Nursery Neurosis) during her nesting phase and then end up spending a majority of her time with the little guy in my space. Honey, if you wanted the perfect space why didn't you just ask me?

While my wife was pregnant I probably said more than a few things that should have put me in the dog house. Some comments were made in good natured humor while others were made because I probably didn't know better and/or I didn't think/clarify my thoughts before I spoke.  I'll let you decide.

• I hear you can burn more calories if you nurse (spreading my pillar of knowledge)
• What are you crying about now? (I was genuinely concerned)
• Wow, look how skinny Heidi Klum is after having 2 babies! (we were watch Project Runway together )
• How come you always wear sweats now? (just curious)
• We weigh the same now. (stating a fact)
• My mom never gained over 20lbs when she was pregnant.  (that what my mom said)
• What do you do all day when I'm at work? (just asking)

Men, beware of the dog house:

I received an email today from my sister-in-law with the subject line: Life boils down to 2 questions.  Of course I was intrigued by this (just as you are now) and opened the email with great anticipation. But in this case images speaks more than a 1000 words. Pretty simple if you ask me after glimpsing the following images. It's almost a guarantee that one would wind up in prison after dealing with the little culprits.

Should we get a dog?

Should we have children?

The funny thing is, we originally got a dog first as a trial run before granting the ole wife permission to have a child. Actually the dog and child were both her idea. Good job honey, we/you did good.

I don't get all this outrage against the new Motrin ad campaign by mothers who think it is demeaning that they might possibly have neck or get back pain from carrying their infant in a sling/wrap/etc.... What is so offensive about the ad? Hint: stop taking yourself so serious. I think I might boycott Motrin just for pulling the ad after the recent uproar. I can be stupid too!

An angry bored mother

Funny

Yup, you heard it here first. BabyCrunch sucks according to one of my pals. This buddy of mine randomly throws out his bits of wisdom as nonchalantly as any guy would say, "American Idol" and/or "Dancing with Stars sucks". With the later I would agree, without inquiry in to why but in this case I had to ask why he thought BabyCrunch sucked. Of course this statement is coming from a single guy whose life consists mainly of going to work, playing Xbox and trying to convince me to tag along with him on the weekend to singles bars and of course watching him strike out on chicks. He may not be in our readers demographics by I really wanted him to tell me why our site sucked.

His top 10 reasons are:

1. I don't get it
   Is that a question or a statement? It's quite simple, Big Mamma (the wife/co-author) likes to write and I'm (me=Dad2B) a web developer. We thought doing a blog together would be a good way to kill two birds with one stone. Unfortunately we couldn't come up with a general theme that we could agree upon until Big Mamma got knocked up. She has the perspective of being pregnant and I have my own so why not share both on our suck-worthy blog. Pretty simple.
2. You're titles suck (the same ole adjective)
   Really? I thought some of them were pretty clever and accurate
   • Reuniting With My Boobs (classic title)
   • I am a Walrus (not quite yet)
   • Hot Yoga Farts (it happens)
   • Cranky & Crafty (yup, she is)
   • Is It Baby or Bowels? (it could be both)
   • A “Pee-Stick” speaks a thousand words (duh)
   • So Meaty: How not to raise your children (reference joke)
   • Breast feeding gone wrong (not the greatest title but anything about breasts is a good title)
   • Pin the pee-pee on the baby (ouch)
   • Holy-Baby-Turds: Elimination Communication (no comment)
3. You don't say anything on the "About Us" page
   Of course we do but it's short and sweet. Actually Big Mamma has never inquired in to this. For me, well lets say, I'm a bit hesitant to reveal my identity to strangers (that's you). In truth, I haven't thought of anything clever to say. Maybe I should just post this post under "About Us."
4. Who's Big Mamma and who's Dad2B
   BigMamma = wife, temporary 9 month host, and impending mother. By the way BM is not really big she just likes the name Big Momma. I think the name makes her giggle.
   Dad2B = me, guy, sperm donor, dad to be (clever) and neurotic in keeping his identity a secret
5. You use fragmented, incomplete sentences and misspell words
   Hey, I'm an art major and I don't really care if my sentence structure sucks and my spelling is horrific. I probably won't even proof read or spell check this post. By the way, no one probably reads our blog...remember it "sucks!"
6. Nobody besides impending grandparents care to see your ultrasound photos
   You might be right on this point. But did you see the size of that thang? Wholly-COW!!!
7. You're humor articles are not that funny
   Yes they are! you just don't have a sense of humor. My article about Dr. Z Gyno Extraordinaire is brilliantly funny.
8. Who would buy anything off your storefront?
   My wife would. You should see all the new baby crap we have acquired through Big Mamma's individual purchases and/or through her baby showers. I think we have some cool stuff on our storefront and it's guaranteed by Amazon. Wait a minute, have you seen our custom gear? Very popular among single men. How come you don't have one?
9. Who cares about Murphy?
   He is our test child. The wife wanted a baby so we compromised with a dog. I didn't really want a dog and was very hesitant about getting one because I knew it would be a big responsibility and would possibly cause problems to a lifestyle that I was accustomed to. Boy was I wrong, I couldn't adore anything more. Getting a dog before having kids is a great idea in my book. It's extremely good practice for things to come. Since he is our first-born, he just seems natural to include him in our posts. If you don't like Murphy then we don't like you!
10. Who would read your blog?
    He must have since he was able to come up with ten reasons. Beside trying to keep family and friends up-to-date of our current status maybe some one like myself who was never really ga-ga over babies for the majority of his life and is now waiting hesitantly for the wife to pop. Or maybe some one like my wife who wanted a way to creatively document the experiences she is going through and share with others who are going through similar things during the course of a pregnancy. The site is about two different perspectives (man/woman) during the pregnancy and birth of their first child.

There you have it, ten reasons why BabyCrunch.com sucks according my friend. Do you agree?

Over the weekend I went on a 7-mile hike with one of my buds and decided to bring along the pooch (first child). I thought the little fella would enjoy himself and also thought it would be a good way to tire him out so I could finish some side-work I wanted to get done from home later on that evening. What I didn't expect was all of the unsolicited advice I would get along the way from complete strangers.

• I sure hope you brought water for your dog
  (yes I brought water you idiot)
• You really shouldn't take dogs on such long hikes
  (it's only 7 miles loves this sh*t)
• You should never take a dog out in this heat
  (dude, the trails half-shaded, I brought water and there are lakes all around for him swim in)
• I hope you're dog is taking flea medicine
  (yes, he's on a full flea concoction cocktail)
• You need to pickup after your dog if he goes poop.
  (I brought a plethora of scented doggy bags)

Ok, it's a dog and so many people decided to pipe in with their unwanted advice. Me, I keep my mouth shut unless I see something bordering on illegal and even then I'm hesitant to say something unless the situation is dire. Fortunately my friend wasn't so nice and told one hairy-pit granola broad to "piss-off" and "worry about your own hygiene."

All of this has gotten me to think. Do I have worry about getting unsolicited advice from strangers when I'm in public with my kid? Do complete strangers really have the balls to come up and tell you how to raise your kid? Will I have to be polite and just smile as they provide what they think is their "pillar of knowledge" or can I just go "postal on their ass?"

How do you handle it?

Today I was walking towards my place of work when I just about stepped on a caterpillar. The older me would have squashed it with one powerful blow of the shoe (without a second thought) but today something odd happened, I stopped in mid-step and pardon the cute little fuzzy guy. I carefully maneuvered myself around him and continued my way back to work.

Throughout the day I even wondered if he made it across the sidewalk in one piece. Does this new gentler and more compassionate me have to do with me becoming a father in a few short weeks?

My wife almost became that headline last night. I understand she might be uncomfortable during her pregnancy but why not show a bit of compassion for the other person with whom she shares her bed - that would be me in this case.

Even though I don't condone such behavior it pretty simple to understand why the leading cause of death among pregnant women is homicide. It's not because we are trying to hide some mysterious affair and/or wanting out of a perfectly good marriage, it's from your constant tossing and turning in the night, in a perfectly comfortable bed, without much consideration to the body next you.

So I would like to write a letter to my wife because she can't seem to understand my glares and snarls in the night after she rudely awakes me.

Dear wife,
Please just close your eyes and drift away like I do. It's that easy. But if for some reason you awake in the night there is no need to create a ripple effect in my direction during your repositioning period. We only have a bit over a month to go before the baby drops so let's just enjoy the quiet before the storm.

Sincerely,
XOXOX
The other warm body in the bed

PS: Try using your whisper voice as well at 3 in the morning and not your day time voice.

A note to all of you who think I'm a jerk.  PISS OFF! I'm tired and cranky!

With DNC going on this week, tense conflict between Georgia and Russia, Gustav threatening New Orleans, and missing Caylee and I get hit with this hard hitting news.